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operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

(via orgasm)

Source: fuck-i-just
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snorlaxatives:

legalize peruvian puff peppers

(via orgasm)

Source: snorlaxatives
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guy:

wanderingthelibrary:

guy:

which way is the appropriate way to eat a popsicle in front of your parents

Step One: come in slow and tease

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Let the popsicle know how much you love ‘em and you’re parents will approve of this technique too, so take it slow and let your lips brush it to get the feel

Step Two: Go FAST SO FASt

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Don’t be afraid to show the popsicle you know how to have a good time and you’re parents well, the do seem like watchers if they were observing in the first place

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(via orgasm)

Source: guy
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ernoji:

tru friends ignore each other’s acne

(via orgasm)

Source: asianfetus
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justcallme-molly:

What to say during the frick frack

  • ooh
  • ee
  • ooh ahh ahh
  • ting
  • tang
  • walla walla bing bang

(via orgasm)

Source: justcallme-molly
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drunkaster:

i want to be so famous that people misspell my name just so it can be their url

(via orgasm)

Source: drunkaster
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